How the ‘Performative Male’ Shapes Dating, Brands and Behavior Lifestyle Style & Beauty How The ‘Performative Male’ Is Affecting Brands, Behavior And Dating By Brett F. Braley-Palko , Contributor. Forbes contributors publish independent expert analyses and insights. Brett F. Braley-Palko is a novelist and journalist covering menswear. Follow Author Aug 25, 2025, 12:00pm EDT Aug 25, 2025, 02:41pm EDT Share Save Comment Jacob Elordi is seen during the Milan Fashion Week, Womenswear Spring/Summer 2025 on September 21, 2024 in Milan, Italy. Getty Images In biology, sexual dimorphism describes the physical differences between the sexes of a species, often developed to attract a mate. From the peacock’s vibrant feathers to the lion’s mane, the animal kingdom is full of visual displays meant to signal reproductive fitness. And humans? We’re not so different. Our own reliance on cultural markers—and the fast pace of social media—arguably accelerates the evolution of sexual dimorphism. Today, cultural anthropologists, TikTok influencers, and menswear writers alike have turned their attention to one subspecies of the modern male: the Performative Male. The Performative Male: An Introduction You may have met a few of these in the wild and never realized there was an entire new class of men evolving right under our noses. Those tote bag-wearing, iced matcha-drinking, Sylvia Plath-reading gentlemen who have found a way to balance their heteronormativity with a more nuanced sensitivity. Detractors of the Performative Male see his existence as a construction, where the reality of his interests lie more in the women he is trying to attract versus the book he’s carrying to the coffee shop. In this sense, many on social media have begun to call out the inherent disingenuity of his existence. While performing an idea of masculinity is nothing new (this idea was first coined by Judith Butler in her 1990 book Gender Trouble ), it’s the way in which the Performative Male goes about it. It’s the obviousness which seems to be the issue. While there is nothing inherently cringe-worthy about enjoying Didion’s Slouching Towards Bethlehem or genuinely liking Clairo’s album, its pretense becomes more marked through the fun-house mirror of Instagram and TikTok. Harry Styles is seen leaving a gym on April 12, 2023 in Los Angeles. GC Images MORE FOR YOU The Performative Male Starter Pack The Performative Male didn’t just spring up overnight. It’s slowly crept into the mainstream by a confluence of three factors: the more open conversation surrounding gender and sexuality within mainstream media, a more robust understanding of the female gaze and, as GQ points out , as a reaction to the almost miltaristic alpha-male persona of the “3am morning routine guy.” Among these three cultural dialogues, certain traits have surfaced to the top, making it easier for the Performative Male to use cultural markers as shorthand to women of their sensitivity, intelligence and an attempt to tell a potential mate, “I’m not a threat! Look, I read Sally Rooney!” A few signs of a Performative Male include: A Labubu hanging from their New Yorker tote An iced matcha always in-hand Bringing a sourdough starter to hot yoga (as recounted by this TikTok account ) Casually throwing in a few lines of Zadie Smith or bell hooks An emphasis on vinyl over Spotify (but, if necessary, listening to a playlist through wired headphones) A beanie, some rings, and baggy trousers to complete the look A man carries a Pop Mart shopping bag on Nanjing East Street in Shanghai, China, on May 30, 2025. NurPhoto via Getty Images The Criticism Becomes A Slippery Slope Of course, it’s a slippery slope. Many of the so-called hallmarks of the Performative Male—whether it’s quoting Sally Rooney, carrying a Labubu keychain, or genuinely enjoying a new retinol—are, on their own, perfectly valid interests. To dismiss them outright risks backsliding into a stricter, more limited understanding of masculinity. The complication comes not from the interests themselves but from the way they are presented. When a hobby or aesthetic choice is framed less as genuine enthusiasm and more as a curated signal—a shorthand to prove sensitivity, emotional intelligence, or romantic viability—it veers into performance. The tote bag with The Bell Jar sticking out, the Instagram story of oat-milk matcha alongside a therapy meme or the strategically framed shelf of Zadie Smith and bell hooks: all of these might be sincere, but once they’re deployed as spectacle, sincerity easily gets lost in translation. That’s the tension at the heart of the Performative Male discourse. It isn’t about men enjoying “feminine” signifiers or aesthetic choices—that’s progress. It’s about what happens when those choices are worn as badges, selected and displayed to broadcast a message, saying something along the lines of, “Look how dateable I am. See this copy of Normal People ? Does it make you want to sleep with me?” The irony, of course, is that in trying so hard to prove one’s authenticity, the performance itself can end up doing the opposite. The Ripple Effects Of Performative Masculinity And yet, performance has a purpose. Just as the peacock’s tail is an elaborate signal to potential mates, performative masculinity is often deployed as a form of social survival. By leaning into curated signifiers, men can soften the edges of traditional masculinity, making themselves more approachable to women and more appealing to peers. But the ripple effects are complicated. For women, the rise of the Performative Male can feel like progress on the surface— finally , women may think, men who know their way around a novel and a skincare aisle . But it can also come across as exhausting, another form of labor to sift through, trying to discern which men are genuine and which are simply wearing a costume. For brands, the trend has become an opportunity to market products that speak to the Performative Male; which, in turn, only saturates the dating pool with more artifice that is a turn-off for women. Actor Jake Gyllenhaal walks in midtown on December 10, 2003 in New York City. Getty Images There are also consequences for mental health. For men, curating a self around aesthetic markers can breed anxiety: the endless upkeep of authenticity, the fear of being “found out.” For women, it can spark cynicism and mistrust, undermining what could otherwise be sincere connections. And for masculinity at large, the Performative Male signals a shift: away from brute strength and stoicism toward a new economy of sensitivity and cultural capital, but one still mediated by performance rather than any true sense of vulnerability. If nothing else, the Performative Male forces us to confront an uncomfortable truth. Masculinity, like femininity, has always been a kind of performance. Social media didn’t invent that fact, but it has made the staging more visible, more shareable, and far easier to critique. The question one should be asking isn’t whether men will perform, but whether performance can ever make room for sincerity. Editorial Standards Reprints & Permissions LOADING VIDEO PLAYER... FORBES’ FEATURED Video
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